you guys i opened a door to let the dogs out and a fucking spider ran across my foot inside and then i was screaming and my mom dropped a plastic bowl on it to not let it run away and then it fUCKING GAVE BIRTH ON THE FLOOR IN THE BOWL AND THEN WE WERE BOTH SCREAMING WHAT DO I DO ITS STILL IN THE BOWL AND ITS JUST HAVING MORE BABIES FUCK IT DROPPED MORE BABIES MY DADS LIKE GASSING...
Teacher: "I'm calling your parents"
sodamnrelatable: Elementary school: “NOOO, i’ll be good” Middle school: “Pssh, whatever” High school: “haha tell my mom I said Hi”
I don't like being asked to make decisions.
sodamnrelatable: Where do you want to eat? Where do you want to go? “I have no idea.” What do you want to do? “What do you want to do?”
*Pollen accidentally enters body*
Immune system: What the hell is that?
Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-
Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK
Pollen: What?!? No! We just got lo-
Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES
Pollen: The what?
Mucus membranes: Sir. All the floodgates?
Immune system: ALL OF THEM.
Pollen: Wait. Wait. You don't... Oh shi-